Breast cancer devastates the woman who is diagnosed as well as her friends and daily acquaintances. When you hear your friend has breast cancer, you may be so sad and worried that you are afraid you’ll cry if you talk to her. You may be so afraid of saying “the wrong thing” that you avoid her. She is sad and vulnerable and will be hurt by those who avoid her although she may understand the rationale behind the avoidance. She doesn’t want to have an emotional meltdown in public any more than do you. Try to behave as normally as possible. Greet her as you always have. It’s OK to ask her how she’s doing or how is chemo going. Accept what she says, taking the conversation to where she guides and then move on. Talk about the things you used to discuss, how the kids are doing in school, what’s for dinner, did she see that movie. She has the same interests that she used to and will welcome the normalcy of the daily comfortable communication between friends. At the end of the conversation, if you want, you can offer some concrete help. Offer to have her son for a sleepover, offer a ride to a Dr.’s appointment, take her dry cleaning in with yours or pick up some groceries when you go to the market. Her life has become much busier and she is tired but she is concerned about keeping up with responsibilities of home and kids. She wants to insulate her children as much as possible so offers to include her kids in normal fun kid activities is great when she doesn’t have the energy. Let her know that if she ever wants to talk, you would love to listen.
Blogged by Karen Allen PhD RN, Dr.KarenAllenRN@gmail.com
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