Becoming a better mother? Trying. Very trying.

I wasn’t a normal mother, asserts one of my children. And that is so true. I didn’t bake cookies, etc, she says. Well, not really it. Just the best she could figure as a symptom of the problem. The real problem was that I couldn’t figure out how to figure out her needs until, and unless, she told me. And expecting that of a tiny child, young child, etc? Maybe possible, but not with my lack of inquiry tools (and this from a psychologist…oh, woe!) Then, even when she let me know, my mind (and emotions) would be bouncing all over the map, trying to figure out which thing, which feeling, was priority, and how to answer. Not a stable surrounding for my young one. Today, I try and try, and sometimes get it right. I am blessed that she lets me keep trying–even though my trying is VERY trying to her, at times– despite my clumsiness of understanding and follow through.

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