Truths, virtues and dysfunctional extremes in narcissism

Narcissism is an over-used word for “self-centered” in both the clinical world and the world at large. There are actually three other clinical ways to be self-centered: histrionically, borderline, and paranoid. And out in the general world, one can be self-centered in healthy ways: centered on one’s own perspective and emotions as first-line sources of information, and then attentive to others’ perspectives and feelings. Also, one can be other-centered yet adhere to such a rigid set of values that they are essentially self-centered after all, unable to truly take in another’s point of view. But returning to narcissism, the key is that narcissism as a normal personality core seems to simply mean being in absorbed in one’s own ideas. There’s a magical enchantment in such absorption, leading as it does to outside-the-box, daringly original thinking such as is highly valued in American culture. Narcissism only turns ugly through lack of understanding of how to foster the assets of the narcissist while helping him/her skirt the ‘dark side’ of their gifts. People tend to be overly admiring of narcissistic style at first, and later overly censuring when they have ‘spoiled’ their narcissistic friend/child/mate with overindulgence and then have a runaway freight train on their hands. www.surfyoursoul.com

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