Archive for November, 2007

Fear: Good Heat for Love

Old Quote:“When you love a person all fear disappears. And when you are afraid all love disappers.”  Osho. New Quote: “Fear is part of love just as heat is part of sex.”  Dr. Sharon 

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According to University of Texas at Austin researchers Rochlen and McKelley, many stay-at-home dads are doing as well or better than fathers who work outside the home in terms of life and marital satisfaction. And they’re every bit as masculine as ever while also feeling both more affectionate and more nurturing toward their children than they had before making the stay-at home dad leap. On the positive side were the men’s appreciation of their wives stronger earning potential, their own desire to spend more time with their children, and the shared concern of both parents about letting an outside person assume caregiving responsibilities. Also seen as positive was the men’s common experience of becoming more affectionate and nurturing toward their children. On the down side, there were usually mixed reaction from friends and family as well as just missing adults interactions. Worse, many men were shunned from playgroups (of moms and their kids) and were eyed suspiciously at playgrounds (pedophilia paranoia? unmanly man assumptions? just not knowing how to get along with guys as pals?) by stay-at-home mothers. The Ph.D. psychologist (Rochlen) and fifth year Ph.D. student (McKelley) suggested that these dads seek daddy-friendly playgroups and on-line networks where dads can share stories, get parenting tips and find camaraderie.[Thanks to A. Cynkar for summary of this research in the October 2007 issue of APA Monitor on Psychology.]


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(Or Mudslinging Using Psychological Jargon)Whenever I hear the word “narcissistic” I get suspicious because the term is so often misused. Such was the case in the recent 60 Minutes program on the work ethic (or lack of it) among the newest generation in the workforce, dubbed “the Millenials.” This newest generation of workers is befuddling employers because of their interest in friendships and quality of life over work for the sake of advancement. Both of those traits—emphasis on friendship and lack of interest in status—are  distinctly non-narcissistic. True narcissism includes  difficulty valuing personal relationships and intimacy—friends are there mostly to manipulate. True narcissism also involves a huge sense of entitlement to advancement, not indifference to it.  It appears to me that the Millenials are also befuddling employers because rough management doesn’t work with them: they’ll just leave and find a place where they’re treated better. In this case, it is the employers who got away with punitive, threatening, demanding and, yes, narcissistic behavior in the past…not the Millenials who simply refuse to be manipulated in that way.  So contrary to a worsened state of narcissism in this new generation of workers, it appears to me to be a dramatic reduction in narcissism. Perhaps it’s exactly the direction we need to antidote the true narcissism that has often reigned in American business and government in particular the over-materialism of American society as a whole. And maybe that use of the word “narcissistic” in regard to the Millenials was mostly a hostile response from a system under the gun to change. 

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My first post to my new blog!


 Welcome to my new blog… My goals are to (1) provide ideas on current events and concerns in ways that will help you feel, think and act in more empowering ways, and (2) hear your thoughts about the information I’ll be highlighting and your reactions to the spins I place on them.  

This is not an advice blog. For specific problems I encourage you to seek a psychologist (Ph.D. or Psy.D.) near you who can provide tailor-made, hands-on assistance. 

 Bookmark this blog and check back frequently! I have an abundance of novel perspectives I want to share with you, and I am eager to hear your opinions in return. 

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